The sword of things unsaid, Become Your Open Stories

She faced her first stress and anxiety attack in 10th grade. Her parents were waiting outside when exams were going on, sometimes for up to 3 to 4 hours.

Due to her medical issues, her parents were supportive, pulled back, and stopped implying the expectations.

Even then, she developed deep-rooted cultural conditioning of trying to make her parents proud.

She carried an inner voice, “Failure is not acceptable, and I need to prove I am capable,” all the time growing up.

The inherent feeling of inadequacy inside her she developed over the years due to not living up to perceived expectations, enough to keep her stressed, even as she crossed the 3️⃣rd decade in life!

She mentioned that the expectations, very much present even today, did not implicitly dip📉.

At this age, her conditioning is now with herself. She👧 continues to benchmark herself and size herself up⬆️/down⬇️to make herself proud. It is no more about her parents. The negative➖ energy⚡ took a different shape🪱.

The child version inside her continues to push her grown-up person to get acceptance as per her childhood norms and beliefs.

Children who realize they are not meeting their parents’ expectations form deep impressions. They can remain in a person for a very long time and take different shapes as they grow up.

Their need to get love based on worthiness/ being accepted based on these emotions becomes implicit feelings of inadequacy.

These are called “Open Stories📖” in Transformation Coaching World.

This situation illustrates the need for honest conversations. There are few things one can do in such cases.

1️⃣ When you see anyone’s child through this need to prove themselves worthy, a clear, honest discussion of issues can help resolve this; it needs to be on the platform of love, not judgment.

2️⃣As a parent, help your child find their sweet spot rather than sizing them based on your/child’s perceived growth expectations
It takes a lot of courage and deep conviction to get closure on these open stories. I am glad she is getting her awareness of this by going through the mindfulness & mental fitness program.

Finally, every one of us has open stories.

Don’t let them drive your beliefs and decisions even after becoming adults.

Thread it carefully!